You know what sucks on Bootleggers? Being as broke as the US government. Okay, so maybe it’s not that bad. But having no cash is kind of a bummer. You cannot do anything without cash. So here is my occasional guide to getting rich quick. This is fool proof. Not like these online schemes where you have to spend money to make money. Although, if you simply donate all of your money to me, and then ask all of your friends to donate all of their money to you, we’ll all end up rich!
The best (quickest) way to make a buck is to gamble. The slow and boring way to make money is by saving and banking. Yawn. Who plays a game with awesome casinos where you can win millions in just one bet, and decides to just put it in the bank, like a square, for 3%? Casinos are where the action is. In this scenario we’re going to meet my first two characters. We’ve got Reggie and Eugene.
Reggie is cool, he’s hip, and he’s the Funkasaurus of the Bootleggers world. Eugene is seen by many as a newbie. He doesn’t gamble, he is cautious with cash, and simply banks his money every 24 hours. Boring!
But there are inventive ways to gamble. It’s difficult to be creative with saving. It is so dull. And when it all boils down to it, what are you saving for? A luxury yacht to holiday with Russians who have more money than Selena Gomez has creepy weirdo fans. The answer is no, you’d save the money; buy points and then save the points.
Speaking of creative ways to gamble, you don’t just have to go to roulette and bet red or black depending on how sunburned the penguins are at the local zoo. This is the internet, baby, the home of random crap that you can use to fuel your insane theories on gambling and winning. Don’t simply bet on a column of numbers in keno. That’s what everyone else does, and do they win? Sometimes, but that’s not the point!You have to be creative, that way when you do win, you can post your madness on the Game Forum and everyone will bow down to you, like you’re the new Adele.
Some creative ways of gambling are to ask other people, via the Game Forum, to pick your bets for you. If you’re down on your luck, maybe you can steal someone else’s! I also saw one recent forum genius posting images of slot machine and blackjack winnings, even though they had blocked casino images on their internet browser. That’s completely blind gambling! That guy was a bloody LEG-END. I’m not sure if he wants a name-check in a guide to that is written with more sarcasm than you’ll find anywhere else on the planet, but it was cavudog (URLs of proof: http://i.imgur.com/0lvaW.png & http://i.imgur.com/F9CFZ.png).
Anyway, what you want to do is come up with the best case scenario where you have completely picked your bets by the most random ways as possible. Then, don’t bother with those pussy bets of $1,000… what are you? What would Jesus… no, what would Charlie Sheen do? He’d fudging go for it! Five massive bets and pray to Jebus that they hit and you’re as rich as Mark Zuckerberg, before he became a philanthropist. I mean, who gets $17 billion and then starts donating to charity. You’re supposed to by a hideout in an abandoned volcano!
Anyway, I digress… digress, that’s a strange word, isn’t it? It reminds me of ‘dig less’ like your trying not to dig a massive hole on Minecraft. Anyway! Now I’m getting side-tracked. Why is it side-tracked too? Why not diagonal-tracked? Anyway, I’m talking about as much sense as Sarah Palin.
Once you place your bets there are two possible outcomes; firstly, you could win and be mega-rich, so you’ll want to be planning your next crazy scheme of betting, secondly though, you could lose. In the rare occasion that your half mental bet doesn’t work out, then there are plenty of ways to cheer yourself up. I mentioned her earlier, Adele; if her music doesn’t lift your mood then you want to see a shrink. Failing that you could always try Lana Del Rey, or some other depressing voiced siren, singing about dying or being heart broken. And anyway, if you managed to gamble everything away, points, cash, everything… then you still have a backup. Remember Eugene? Well, you just have to find one of them on Bootleggers; there are a few knocking about. Here is the scenario:
If you happened to take any of this seriously, then this is for you (also, this is for TiT aka RedMoonv1, who doesn’t read the Buzz, but is definitely a Reggie, and thinks I’m his Eugene):
sat•ire
noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
