Dear Bootleggers,
Why are there so many unknown shooters these days? Rather than explaining themselves, they choose to be “ominous” and say little to nothing relevant about their plans or motives. This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that every other big shooting is done by these sorts of people. It’s gotten so bad these days, I’ve started to lose track on which the underground misfits are. I know of at least two, but the rest of them just seem like carbon copies only with worse names. Not wanting to say too much is understandable, but in doing so, they make writing an article on the situation incredibly difficult and thus the articles written have plenty of holes, speculation, and just plain irrelevant information.
This isn’t entirely the fault of the wannabe potato sack gangs though, neophyte writers with the improvisational skills of a deceased walrus share some of the blame. Why is it that the writer in charge of covering a shooting, is usually the one that probably shouldn’t be allowed near guns; or pointy objects for that matter? It’s probably no surprise though, when an article in your paper is a screen-shot of a statistics page that anyone can see, you can’t expect the cream of the crop there.
The next point I would like to bring up is what does the term “Underground” even mean anymore, because it seems like no one really understands this. It doesn’t mean change your account name to something a little less noticeable, get bored in after a week, and then start posting in the forums again. That’s not going underground, that’s you being an indecisive ninny! What would convince you to do something like that is beyond me, but I have the sneaking suspicion these are the sorts of people that require attention constantly. There’s still the question as to what going underground truly is so allow me to properly explain it in a way that even the densest reader can understand how it works. As a bit of a disclaimer, the end results might vary a tad, but this covers the basic gist of what to expect.
Underground is when you grab yourself a nice shovel, dig a yourself a hole, and stay there until you feel the cold chill of isolation. Slowly, but surely, you find yourself ranking higher and higher until you’ve reached a rank you never have before. You start to get excited, but you know better than spout on about how great you are. Instead you decide you’re going to make a name for yourself. That’s right; you’re going to go on a little shooting spree. You start stocking up bullets and upgrading you’re illegal weaponry. You’ve even picked out your targets at this point. And just as you begin the searches, BANG! You find yourself staring at the infamous “You’ve Been Killed” page. All those months of hard work and dedication are nil now. You do take comfort, however, in knowing that the reason you died was for nothing personal, in fact it was almost random. You learn the reason you were killed was because someone else beat you to the punch and they’re the one who gets the poorly written and inadequately edited article about how they shot 15 accounts this week at random. And when they are asked about their motives behind the aforementioned shooting, they simply say nothing.
And that’s what you get readers. A slippery slope fallacy right at the very end with sarcasm thrown in. What else would you expect from a freelance article written during someone’s free period?
