Last updated:   Editor: Cubeinator

Joke's Weekly Jokes Joke

So last week it was brought to my attention that some of the jokes I found to be mildly funny may have been lame. Therefore, I am opening the floor and offering a reward! Submit your joke, and if it's rated higher than any of mine, you'll win cash!

    "You think giving birth is painful? Try being gently nudged!" - Football players

    The term "Expecting a baby" implies uncertainty; Like, we're almost sure it's a baby, but could also be a bushel of potatoes... who knows.

    It always amuses me when I see posts from people clearly using words they don't understand, thus making themselves look aerodynamic.

    Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?

    Manslaughter sounds a lot worse than murder. I propose murder be renamed manslaughter and manslaughter be called whoopsiedeath.

    Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.

    My missus is pissed off with me again. Last night while she was sleeping, I gently removed her tampax and replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out. I'm telling you, that woman has no sense of humor at all!

Player Submitted

    ReJestration helped to provide:
    The doctor said to the patient; "I want you to take your clothes off and stick your tongue out of the window."
    "What will that do?"
    "Not much. But I hate my neighbour!"

    What is left after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
    De Brie

    holyduck sent in:
    A hippie gets on a bus and sees a very hot nun sitting near the back. He sits near her, and decides to take a shot. "Hey, you're pretty hot. Wanna have sex with me?"

    The nun screams and runs off the bus at the next stop, obviously very freaked out.

    The hippie, feeling defeated, decides to get off the bus as well.

    The bus driver stops him and says "Hey, I saw you trying to get with that nun. She goes to this cemetery every Wednesday night and prays in front of this gravestone. Maybe if you dress up like God or something you can get her to do what you want."

    The hippie thinks this is a great idea, and gets together a God costume.

    Wednesday comes around, and the hippie is hiding in the cemetery bushes. He slips on his God mask and jumps out the nun. "Ahhhh I'm God! I will let you into heaven if you have sex with me!" The nun says " hmmm...ok. But it has to be in the butt to preserve my virginity."

    So, they start going at it, and the hippie decides to give the nun a little surprise. So he pulls off his mask and yells "Surprise! I'm the hippie from the bus!" The nun pulls off her mask and yells "Surprise! I'm the bus driver!"

    Commas are very important and could save a mans life.
    eg: Let's eat Grandpa
    eg: Let's eat, Grandpa
    See, now Grandpa can stay alive and you are not a cannibal.