Last updated:   Editor: Cubeinator

Inky's Rankist Horoscope Inky

Inky's Rankist Horoscope

  • Scum
    You're feeling your power and strength today, little scummer. Unfortunately, your power and strength is the equivalent of a dime store battery.
    30 and Pink for luck.

  • Pee-Wee
    Auto-erotic asphyxiation is not a good thing to impress colleagues with after your promotion. Go easy on the meat next time, Thumper.
    5 and Yellow for luck.

  • Thug
    You're ready to reap the rewards from all your past hard work. However, your previous job as the “animal fluffer” does not mean people will appreciate the result.
    4 and Green for luck.

  • Gangster
    Ok, well, it’s going to be a startling week for you. Seriously, wow, it’s a shame you don’t know what’s going to happen.
    22 and Red for luck.

  • Hitman
    This is a good time to make friends and influence people. You may succeed where everyone else stops because it hurts too much.
    18 and White for luck.

  • Assassin
    With planetary alignment, you can expect greater intimacy in your personal life. Shame, it’s with your computer.
    36 and Cyan for luck.

  • Boss
    Your knowledge of the term “Sleep with the fishes” will come into question this week after an unusual incident involving duct tape and a tank of delicious Carp.
    9 and Pink for luck.

  • Respectable Boss
    Love will enter your life this week via Uranus, shattering your femur and making you queasy every time you hear someone whistling.
    7 and Orange for luck.

  • Godfather
    Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, especially when your vision goes black and white as you think back on it, too. It’s a stroke, by the way. You should really call 911.
    6 and Black for luck.

  • Legendary Godfather
    You finally managed to get rid of the survivor guilt! But the vile tattoos will never fade. Don't let this set your temper on edge and cause you to snap at your friends.
    32 and Blue for luck

  • Don
    After feeling like a tough guy beating people up for saying that about your mum, you do have to admit she does like to sit *around* the house.
    25 and Pink for luck.

  • Respectable Don
    You will have a great week. Enjoy the boost of energy that good news gives you, but don’t get off on it. Jeez! You’re filthy!
    14 and Green for luck.

  • Legendary Don
    People say you’re jealous and conniving, but they really don’t know you that well. You’re also psychotic and it’s time to visit the basement.
    1 and Cyan for luck.

  • State Don
    You're highly esteemed because of your strong business acumen and no-nonsense approach to problem solving. So why you think that the next best thing coming from Nevada will be “cheese scented tyres” is anyone’s guess.
    18 and Red for luck.

  • Nation Don
    Remember, there's no glass ceiling online! Today may be peppered with all sorts of communications from friends. And they might cam, too!
    2 and White for luck.