I wish to make some confessions about being a crew boss and i will start by discussing two very different emotions, the first emotion i will discuss and the hardest emotion i have found to deal with is, guilt. The guilt you have when you make a bad decision that effects all your members. I think for the most part, its these players, that aren't just my members, their my friends that makes the guilt just so much more unbearable. I have built relationships over many years and allot of members have stuck with me though all of my bad decisions. For me personally i have joined ‘alliances and sides’ merged with other crews, shot people, shot crews, hard-kicked members, reported members for cheating and worse than all of them, the most inexcusably of all my mistakes, lied to my members, my friends. When i make a decision, i do it for what i believe is for the good of my crew, but when that decision goes sour, theirs only one person to blame. That person is myself. At first its the self pitting egotistical thought of ‘this is all my fault’ a thought that is soon replaced by an overwhelming realization that my decision has effected over 30 players, 30 people, 30 friends that like myself click on a browser to rank a word on that screen to that next level. They have lost all their hard work because of my actions, my decisions, my mistakes. This is the guilt i am describing, this is the part of being a leader i most dislike. The second emotion is a much brighter emotion and almost certainly the reason why i am a crew leader and has been the sole reason i have stuck by being a crew leader since i founded The Deadly Alliance with Scorpion ten years ago. Happiness. The happiness i get from the banter my crew brings, The happiness i get when a decision i make works out well for the crew, the happiness i get when i leave the game to come back 8, 9 even 10 months later due to real life issues and still have over 20 members, 20 members willing to put all their clicking and effort into every decision i make. The happiness i get from meeting my members all over the world. The happiness when a new member becomes a friend. The happiness i get from my members every time i log into BL, I’m not sure many people understand the companionship us bootleggers have, its hard to experience it from the outside, But i know this companionship has helped me grow as a person, Being a crew leader is an emotion struggle, but most important for me, now with thanks to bootleggers, an integral part of who i am, not just within the game, but also within my real life in which i work as a general manager.
