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SATIRE: Player shocked to be alive after being shot with bullets made from melted down car tires. Riot

Player YellowFellow is recovering in a New Jersey hospital this morning after an attempted whacking went wrong. When fellow player BigNicky was stocking up bullets for his shooting spree, he decided to waste no part of the car when melting down for bullets. This melting method included all four tires on his vehicles.
“Look, when you gotta shoot 77,000 bullets, you gotta cut corners. This time it didn’t work out for me.” Said BigNicky in his post shooting reflection.
When asked about the shooting from his hospital bed, YellowFellow said “A lot of people have told me I am lucky to be alive. To those people, I just want to say: ‘You shut your mouth!’ do they even realize how much it hurts to get shot with 77,000 rubber bullets? You get shot with real bullets and you black out and die at some point. Getting shot with rubber bullets, you are there the whole time. 77,000 … one after another. After the first 30,000 I found myself wishing there would be a few metal bullets in there to end this nightmare. If pain is weakness leaving the body then I am completely out of weakness, which would explain why my whole body is still numb after the incident.
It seems that BigNicky’s mistake will serve as a lesson for other shooters out there:
Save the rubber bullets for the people you hate the most.