Last updated:   Editor: None

SATIRE: Desperate Buzz editor prays every night for bloodshed. Riot

“Please God, I just need a little blood to get things going.” cried Buzz Editor JJJameson into his pillow as he tried to sleep. There are a lot of really good people out there and I was just thinking, oh God I was just hoping that perhaps you could see it fit to make some bad things happen to them? I do not think we even need too much. Just have a person or two get whacked and I am certain the rest will handle itself.”

“We have had some high weeks lately.” JJJameson said, speaking the next day with his staff.

“The blood has been flowing harder than Niagara Falls, of which I have little knowledge because I am British, but I am assured it is the best metaphor for this situation. Alas, we are now facing a blood drought. I have been praying to every God and deity that I can think for, in hopes that one will answer our prayers. Do you know how many Greek Gods and Goddesses there are? Do not even get me started on Hinduism.” exclaimed an obviously sleep deprived Editor.

“Our none-shooting articles do really well. Do not be worried! We can do some movie reviews, a nostalgia piece on players who miss arm wrestling and we have all of those Afghaano articles that we did not get a chance to run yet.” declared a Buzz writer named Forbidden, cheerfully.

“No, No. I have a better idea in mind. Breeze, I need you to step out of the meeting room and go to your desk and start writing on a breaking story!” said JJJameson as he hastily escorted the newer addition of the team out of the meeting room.

“Wait, what will my story be about?” she replied as she was booted from the room.

“Handsome local editor goes crazy and kills most of his staff.” replied JJJameson with a smile as he closed the door and turned the lock.

The rest of the staff could not be reached for comment.